i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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