dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
