Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
