Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
