My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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