I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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