my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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