I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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