I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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