That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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