I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My dick has a subreddit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
