My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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