Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
