Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
