I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
