This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did my mother make you get naked?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
