remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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