Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
