9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
