Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
