I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
