4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
