I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
