Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
