Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
