Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
