Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize