Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
