Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
