So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
