Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
