how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
