...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
