Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
