i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
