I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
