who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
