Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize