She's JV to your varsity
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
