People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
