We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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