You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
