She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
