Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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