Actions speak louder than pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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