I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
