Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
