WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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