There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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