I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's Friday. Sex?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
