Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I look better un-naked...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
