I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if i died would you start the facebook group?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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