Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
