I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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