Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize