Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
