Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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