I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
