I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
