Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
