I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
