im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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