there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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