Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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