dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
