cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
