I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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