I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
