Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
