the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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