that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
