We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
