either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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